I am writing a parodyish thing, a would-be script for OotP, as my friends and I were trying to figure out how the heck they were going to cram it into a movie. I thought I'd have a bash.

If you really liked PoA you wouldn't want to read this...

This is a rough bit of the first scene. I'd love someone to collaborate on this with me, as OotP is the huge.

Oh, also, it will be R-rated. For language. There aren't any slashy bits or anything...

Note, this is not the funniest bit. I'm not a movie preview... I save the funniest bits for the finished product.

Scene One: Already at Hogwarts Already.

Sorting Hat: Doom! Death! CARNAGE!
Students: *confused*
Hermione: So, Harry, like, how was your summer? *twirls shiny pretty non frizzy hair*
Harry: Oh, er, it was okay, except there were these two dementors, which I totally fought of with a cool bit of illegal magic, was taken from the Dursley’s by a bunch of aurors who are cool but will be left out for time’s sake, ended up at Sirius’s ancestral home containing much screaming pictureage and house-elf named Kreacher who might be important later and I learned about this thing called the Order of the Phoenix.
Ron: What’s this Order of the Phoenix thing? *looks around nervously*
Harry: The good guys. Also, Snape is good.
Ron: Oh, right, er…AHHH! A Spider! *flips out, runs away*
Umbridge: I am evil incarnate. Hem hem. *wears pink cardigan of doom*
Hermione: *takes notes*
Hagrid: *is absent*

Comments appreciated, especially if it sounds like something you'd be willing to co-write with me!